I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
