Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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