u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
