my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
nutella sex= disaster
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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