we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
