I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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