Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
