so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
