so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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