I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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