your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
