Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
