When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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