Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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