Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
