And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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