Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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