i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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