Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
