Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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