The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
