i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She tied me up with her honor cords...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
