carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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