I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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