Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
