Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
