what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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