Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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