Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I could make wine with my vomit
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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