just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
