Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
