and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
