Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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