apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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