I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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