She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Still dying that you shit outside
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
