i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Im part way to drunk.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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