Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
