They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
