i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
