i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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