i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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