Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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