I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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