my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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