Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
