I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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