the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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