Ambien. No doubt about it.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
