just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
