my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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