okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
