the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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